It focuses us because when were stuck on some kind of problem at home,school, or even work. So music can calm you down and you can play your radio,ipod,mp3 player, or game console , PANDORA , and even I <3 radio.
It entertains us because you could have a fun party in your house, backyard, at school if you ask the principal, or even at your friends house and you could even play the music when your board , and some really can make you dance an express yourself!!!!!!
It helps us because we could concentrate by doing some of our homework, and make you play some of the lyrics on your song that your playing. Here's an example of music helping you concentrate [When i was doing my math homework i couldn't concentrate on it, then i played some of my music on my ipod so then i followed the rythem of the music then i was done with my homework in about 10 minutes!!!!!! :) ]
If you really love music well then dance,party,concentrate and one more thing i forgot all about this one and it's important about you, your family, and all of your grandma's mom or your great grandma's mom who made up the tradition or their other mom , so it's about traditional song's that represent your tribe or your culture it tells story's or you even dance to it. The reason why we should listen to music is because it's important to luxury or even concentration,relaxation,tradition,helps us, focuses, and entertains us.
Here are my comments on your essay:
ReplyDeleteWhat went well -
You have 5 paragraphs and it's very clear which are your intro, body, and conclusions. It's also great that you gave a specific example in your third body paragraph of how music can help you concentrate.
What I'd like you to do differently next time -
Only use 2 sentences in your intro paragraph. The first sentence should say your opinion and the second sentence should say your 3 reasons that support your opinion. Don't add anything extra.
Your three body paragraphs should each go with one of the reasons you give in your intro paragraph. In this essay, your first and third paragraphs don't really have different reasons. One is "it helps you focus" and the other is "it helps you concentrate." Those are pretty much the same thing, so they shouldn't each have their own paragraph. Since you mention culture in the intro and conclusion, it should have had its own body paragraph too.
Your conclusion paragraph should be 2 sentences long like the intro paragraph. You just say your opinion again - that music is a luxury and then say why you think so.